Homecoming

I haven't written in a week.

My trip back East was legendary, one for the books.  I don't even know where to start.  The emotions were up and down and all around.  I went to my first tea party, wore a hat and ate cucumber sandwiches.  It was a nice lovely afternoon that ended with my baby cousin chugging from a punchbowl of wine spritzer.  She wore a red and white floral dress with a flower in her hair.  She swears like a truck driver and I love her to pieces.  She's amazing.  Everytime she opens her mouth I am convulsing in laughter, clutching my stomach, collapsing into tears of joy. The only other person that can do that to me is a boy who can't be bothered.  You know the ones.

Anyhoo, my cousin who is getting married looks like Heidi Klum.  Her skin is peaches and cream and she has freckles like me, it runs in the family.  I am so happy for her.  She met a great guy, its almost like a fairy tale.  She kissed her share of frogs and now she is marrying the one.  I'm sure I'll cry at the wedding.  It will be in Maine in a barn and I have yet to get a dress.

While home, I hung out with my high school girlfriends, they are all married with 2.5 kids.  They are sassy and loyal and they inspire me.  They went on and on about their kids and husbands and then went on and on about my blog.  It's all I have now, my blog, so I guess it's my baby and my man wrapped in one with no complications.  I was happy to find out that my writing connected to people outside of LA, because half the time I just feel like an angst ridden struggling artist that is constantly bemoaning my fate.  Sometimes I feel like "how boring, how self indulgent" but its what I do, so I will just have to risk the backlash.

So far so good.  I just got a message today from a young girl, (my cousins cousin) who read my writing  and said she was obsessed with it, loved it and had to contact me.  So if anything I will write for her.  She gets it.  I won't be like this forever, I'm just in the figuring out phase.  Aren't we always just trying to figure it out? Someone told me today, I will write better when it's not so tragic, so about me, me, me.  It's probably true but sometimes the black hole is really comfy.  I'll call it my cocoon phase.  Next stop, butterfly.

Shock and awe can only describe the last day of my trip.  I basically stayed up all night with my family and then caught a 6am flight.  Really, who do I think I am?  Sometimes a rock star.  My family is made up of a lot of girls.  We are all cousins.  When we get together nobody can touch us, we have each others backs and most of all we have fun, fun, fun.!  I have one cousin who can do backflips and has beautiful blue eyes.
She has two daughters and she is one of the best mothers I know.  Her children are extraordinary.  I met her youngest for the first time.  We watched the Royal Wedding together and I didn't want to let her go.  She was mushy and sweet and I think she was happy to hang with me.  She lives in a nice house with her boyfriend who owns an Italian restaurant.  There are rumors of Mob ties, but I better keep my mouth shut, I don't need a contract out on my slice of life here in sunny California.  Ok, I'm rambling.  So, wine spritzer  cousin felt the need to address them very loudly when they showed up to our last night get together.  "Hey dry hump or leave", there was a dramatic pause and then we all burst into gaggles of laughter.  You see, backflip cousin got pregnant twice while on the pill so I guess dry humping is now the only option.  It was hysterical and it was on perpetual repeat all night.

It didn't stop there.  Heidi Klum cousin is marrying a guy named Jordan, they have been dating for about 5 years. Wine spritzer is her sister and she calls him Jorqueef.  She says Jorqueef. is so happy they are getting married because Jorqueef can now stop dry humping.  The laughter continued and then she decided to act out their vows and replace many keywords with queef (I cannot find the spelling in the dictionary), like "I now pronounce you queef and queef".  Her humor, not mine.  But I laughed and laughed loudly.

I'll go back in July, I'll be nicer to my mother and spend time outdoors.  Things will be different, our family will have welcomed a new member.  He'll be insulted to no end, that's the way we show our love and I will write about it.