Re-Apply

No matter where I am, whether it's leaving Taco Bell at 3am, stopped at a traffic light or getting ready for a date I always re-apply.  My lipstick, lipgloss, hello kitty chapstick you name it, I always have it in my little purse waiting.  I guess it's a way of keeping the glamour in my life, something consistent.  Or maybe it's just a nervous tick.  

I have always been a girlie girl, I got in touch with my tomboy side here and there when I hung out with the girls that played sports.  I actually traded in my pink tutu one year for a softball mitt and wouldn't you know it I was fairly decent.  I knew for sure that I could do a pirouette but never thought I could catch a fly ball.  What a sense of accomplishment, catching that ball, with my eyes closed and sun blaring, I just put my hand up and it landed right in my glove.  Everyone cheered, it was amazing.

So dance class on Saturday mornings and softball on Thursday's,  my world was opening up.  Back then I wore the lip gloss with the roller ball.  It came in cherry, strawberry and bubble gum flavor.  I think I re-applied even way back then.  I think about different things when I re-apply.  Will I get the job?, will he call?, will  I be able to pay my rent this month? When I'm sitting in my car outside a movie studio getting ready to go into an audition, I adjust my rear view mirror and check to make sure I'm not shiny.  I whip out my compact and pull out my powder puff, by this time I'm usually racing against the clock so I throw it all back in my makeup bag, grab my script and sprint across the parking lot.  As I race up the stairs to the casting office, I reach into my bag, grab the gloss and...wait for it..re-apply.  This time wondering. will they like me?

It all doesn't really matter but these are the things that run through my head.  At the end of the day, I just want to make sure I've eaten well, told those closest to me that I love them and drink some water, preferably eight glasses.  Simple things.  If I can fit in a walk on the beach, some yoga and a writing session, then I've won.

I spoke with a Catholic priest today, he told not to lament.  I guess I was lamenting about how my life had ended up.  He said 'it's not over yet."  Well, he's right, it's not over yet.  I reach for my gloss and re-apply.