The Pinnacle

Every once in the while I go cliff walking. I scoop up the bestie and off we go to Malibu. It's a secret spot, nobody is ever there and it is paradise. Makes it all worth it. The sun is shining, the air is clear and there are yellow flowers everywhere. The views are spectacular and I remember why I moved to California.

There is one particular point during our trek where the edge of the mountain is indented and there are inches between me and a vast drop into the ocean. My heart starts to beat really fast when I know I have to run quickly to get past this obstacle. I always hesitate and then convince myself I have to go because on the other side is complete beauty and bliss. I will get encouragement from my friend and he is always just close enough in case my fate is one where I stumble out to sea and have to grip his hand at the last moment. High drama, I know. Wouldn't have it any other way.

One, two, three, I run, scream and have made it to the other side. This is where the pinnacle is. The highest point. The tippy top. I must stand there. The guys did it first, arms stretched, photos taken. It was breathtaking. I was standing on the sidelines, jumping up and down, cheering them on, they were so brave and so cool.
"You're turn." my friend said.
I turned away from him and then looked back, he couldn't possibly be speaking to me. There was no way I was standing on the highest point of that mountain. He must be crazy. He is. But that's another story.
"C'mon, I'll help you."
Oh, no. He wasn't letting this go.
"I can't."
"You can." he said.
Ughhhhh. Now I had too.
I leaned over and put my hands on the flat rock. I crawled until both feet were firmly planted. I slowly stood up, knock kneed and gripping myself. (by the way, this was making it way harder). I reached my arms out and gasped. "Take the picture" I squeaked out. He did.
"Ok now turn around and face the ocean."
"What?, Oh God." I mumbled to myself.
I slowly turned around and faced the ocean, arms outstretched.
Photo snapped. Wind blowing. Freedom.
I jumped down from the mountain top giggling and out of breath.
I did it.
At that moment something in me changed.
I hopped, I skipped and ran back toward the yellow flowers.
When I looked toward the ocean I realized I didn't even think about the narrow obstacle that I had to jump back over to get to flat land. It didn't even cross my mind.
I lifted my finger and pointed.
"I can't believe I ran past the scary part on my own." I said to my friend.
"It's always harder to run toward love and joy and much easier when you're running away from it," he replied.
I thought about it.
Made sense to me. It's much easier to stay in one spot and be comfortable. To walk away when the going gets tough. To be independent. To not need anybody.
Then I realized how boring that is.
I'll take the pinnacle, the cliff walking, the wind blowing, the heart beating, the crawling,and the standing.
I'll take the fear too. The risk, the doubts and the questions.
No more scaredy cat.
Next time, I won't hesitate, I'll stand up straighter, scream louder and breathe more air at the top.