After a woman gives birth it is usually after a grueling amount of physical pain, blood, sweat and tears. Well I gave birth minus the physical pain and the blood which quite frankly I'm happy to save for another day. At the risk of sounding all earthy and new agey, I guess I could say that I gave birth to myself. I did kick, scream and fight it tooth and nail which made it all the more hellish but I managed to find some mental doulas, mid-wives and the occasional cute mid-husband to help me plod along my journey out of the sandbox. One aha moment I had as I held my head and slumped down amongst the rubble of my old ways is that I really like to be around people that get me. I think part of my problem was I just kept picking the wrong pieces of my puzzle and we all know how that feels when we try to force anything where it doesn't belong. I breathe and know that Buddha would be proud that I was finding the right pieces.
"Flow through things like the river, go around the rocks."
This is what a friend told me when we used to sneak into movie premieres in New York City.
"If they ask your name, just keep walking."
"Excuse me, what?"
"Don't make eye contact"
"I thought we had tickets?"
"Don't worry, don't talk and stay behind me."
And with that we walked past two burly security guards into Robert DeNiro's private screening room only to be chased by the events publicist.
"Excuse me, excuse me, are you on the list/"
At this point I felt like I was going to hyperventilate and me cheeks were burning. My friend grabbed my hand and stopped. He turned around and glared at the woman.
"We are IN the movie."
She stopped and apologized and with that we settled into our seats with the movie stars, front and center.
My party crasher friend got me, he knew I was capable of flowing like the river. I often forget and still get smashed up against the occasional rock or swept out to sea but then I clasp my hands and pray to my guy upstairs and everything works itself out.
Flow.
Breathe.
Birth.
Happy.
